Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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