Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have tasted many bathrooms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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