That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
