Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
