so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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