What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
