wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
