just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
