I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
