I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
