My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
