And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
