Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
