My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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