That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
