I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
