Dual....:-)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
