Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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