ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
