ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
