and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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