Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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