We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
