I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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