his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
