Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
