wrigley field is MILF paradise
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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