porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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