the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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