If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
