Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
