What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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