I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
