Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
