you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I touched a dick in church today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
