i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
