he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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