No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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