worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
