69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
