I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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