You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
