I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
