No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just pee around me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
