Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
