So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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