are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
