We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The air was thick with penises
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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