I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
