filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
