Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
