Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
