I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
