that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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